May 7, 2007

• Responsibility

  Relationships, marriage, parenthood, friendship, love. Somehow in the course of our development in this world, it seems many people have come to see some (or all) of these as answers to their problems, as a kind of magic pill like the one Neo took in The Matrix that will lift the veil and reveal to them the truth. The reality, however, is that none of these will provide you answers to anything, because they are responsibilities. Each of these carries with it a burden that you willingly take upon yourself by choosing to enter into it.

  re·spon·si·ble  

  1.	answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management

  As a parent, you are accountable for the raising and wellbeing of your children. As a partner in marriage, you are responsible for the wellbeing of your spouse and maintaining of a healthy partnership through the course of your shared life. As a friend (platonic or romantic) you are responsible for your actions toward and regarding your friend, as well as trying to keep a healthy relationship between the two of you if such a thing continues to remain desirable and feasible. These are all things that require work, effort, thinking, and commitment on the part of all people involved. Any problems you may have, any burdens you may shoulder, any demons you may carry within you will affect these other responsibilities you have, so if you choose to take them on before you’re ready, you may quickly find that rather than being an answer, they have merely added to your list of burdens you unwillingly carry. Rather than provide any kind of magic answer you were hoping for, they weigh you down and make it even more difficult to deal with your own personal issues because you now have more than just yourself to worry about, you have other lives that depend on yours. That is why you will see it repeated over and over again, that you should deal with all of your personal demons and problems before you enter into any of these kinds of relationships because they will not provide you anything new that you aren’t already bringing into it. If you come bearing the weight of many problems and issues plaguing you, then problems and issues are exactly what you’ll get in return.

  It’s like a job. Imagine for a moment, you’re already working on a major project at work that directly benefits you and might even lead to a promotion. You want to focus entirely on this, because it’s important to you, but somewhere in the middle of it, you tell you coworker you’ll help him on his project too. On top of that, you start the beginnings of a brand new longterm project as well. Now instead of being able to focus on just one project, your attention is divided between three. “But I thought taking on these additional tasks would help me find the answer to completing my first one!” Anyone sensible would think you mad for following such a string of logic, and yet people all across our nation (and increasingly, the world) follow this line of thinking every day. Think before you start to take on too many responsibilities you may not be ready for. Your first priority should be to finish the project you started with: yourself. Once you’ve squared that away enough that you’re happy with it, then you can take on others, but don’t take them on with the expectation that you’ll find answers. The only answers that’ll help you finish your first project come from within.

  • 10:09 am
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