It's never too late (or too early) to educate yourself about something. It could be anything, any subject, any curiosity, anything you're wondering about or aching to discover. There's no such thing as knowing too much and knowing more will never hurt or harm you. I am a huge proponent and supporter of knowledge. The more you know, the more you understand how the world and everything around you functions, the less likely you are to be duped by a savvy salesman or politician trying to con you out of something or capitalize on your ignorance. The arguments I see on TV (usually on the so-called 'news' and I use the term loosely because most of it isn't reporting, but editorial nonsense throwing opinions around to create tension and drama) are so shocking because of the number of people that willingly flaunt their ignorance, throwing around opinions like they are facts and trying to discredit facts like they are opinions. It wouldn't be so easy to dupe the American public into believing these things if people were only willing to learn more, absorb more knowledge, increase how much they know and have experienced.

One of the very annoying truths I've learned lately, though, is that a shockingly large number of average folks don't like to learn, don't like to think, and don't like to overly analyze anything at all. They willfully block out whatever they deem inconvenient to remember or know about the world, especially if it involves a direct connection to things they already believe or are doing and might compromise their ability to continue to do it without obvious direct consequences. Our world has become so large and abstract that it's easy now to ignore the indirect consequences of your actions and live in a proverbial bubble, separated from the effects being wrought so very far away that we ourselves may have caused. All it would take to break this cycle would be a tiny bit of education, to learn and read and expand your mind. There are a lot of things scientists will say that you can test yourself. Don't believe CO2 is a greenhouse gas? You can test that at home with two bottles and something that expels CO2 gas (like yeast or beer or soda). All of this is available to us through the magic of the internet. You don't even have to go to the library or leave your house.

Almost the entirety of the whole of human experience, wisdom, and knowledge is available to us in a tiny device that's smaller and lighter than a first generation Nintendo Gameboy and yet we largely ignore it, under utilize it, take it for granted that it's there and use it for trivial things. My aunt always asks me what the heck I'm doing glued to my phone all the time, and the truth is that aside from the usual things we all do (email, facebook, messaging, taking pictures), I also read a lot. Not books, mind you, but facts, information, and random bits of news. The more I learn, the more I realize that if people only knew what I did, the world would be a vastly different place. Why are we all so afraid of a bit of reading and self education? I find it baffling, even irritating, especially when I meet people who admit to willfully being ignorant on purpose. What?! That's right, I've met people who admitted to me that they willingly ignore facts, pick and choose what they care to "hear" so that it doesn't interfere with their core beliefs. They avoid learning anything because it might adversely affect their ability to continue to believe. They have invested so much time, effort, and energy into these beliefs that they can't bear the possibility that learning new things might change their mind.

What gives me hope, though, are young people. I have to admit, that at the ripe age of 36, I'm not really young anymore by any definition of the word. Whenever I see young people today, it lifts my spirits because they are children of the information age. They have grown up with this technology at their fingertips and know how to use it so seamlessly and easily and are so open minded and willing to embrace information, knowledge, and the global nature of our emerging society that I find it difficult to remain cynical or pessimistic. Our 20th century generations may have brought us to this point, but I have faith that these 21st century kids will know how to fix it. For the rest of us, I can only prod you to keep learning. People exercise everything else, but they let the most important organ, their brain, just lazily slouch inside their craniums. Expand your intellectual horizons. Knowing more will never hurt you, and will usually be surprisingly helpful.

So about a week and a few days ago my cousin got married to his fiance and has spent the better part of this past week or so on the island paradise of Fiji, sending out the occasional enviable Instagram pic of their honeymoon. It looks fantastic and I would be jealous, except that it's not really my nature. I'm glad they both look so amazingly happy and relaxed, though.

Myself, for the most part, spent that same time with my parents on a family vacation (minus my sister) in Death Valley, and then carting them all over Southern California to meet friends and relatives, but also to stop in on my grandmother, who is in a rehab center following a hospital visit. Though the details are a bit fuzzy to me, essentially she was malnourished and in lots of pain, to the point that she was suffering from a kind of dementia brought on by a vitamin deficiency. Normally I wouldn't be worried, but as it so happens she wound up in the same exact rehab facility my grandfather was in roughly half a decade earlier before he passed away. Seeing it, being there, walking through those doors again brings back memories I had long buried and am not thankful to live through again. Though everyone seems optimistic of her recovery, I feel like this is a very grim reminder of how frail my grandparents have become before my very eyes.

It's funny, that despite how hard you try, all of your efforts, your attempts to do the right thing and be the best person you can be, inevitably you still become riddled with doubts during those moments of vulnerability, when you feel yourself exposed and the rush of history you believed long past threatens to wash back over you. I never spent a great deal of time with my grandfather, but I do miss him. I always felt, though, that the man I saw, and met, and knew as my grandfather was always an incomplete puzzle. There were so many pieces missing, I never had a good grasp of who he was or what he felt or believed or thought. In addition to the communication barrier between us (my Korean being somewhat substandard), he wasn't ever in the mood to converse to begin with. His tendency was to retreat to his bedroom and lock the door, to be left in solitude, or to go out somewhere (where he went, I don't really know). I remember clearly, one of the last times I saw him, he thought I was my dad's younger brother, and didn't recognize my name when I told him who I was. He looked at me confused and then looked away from me, towards an empty corner of the ceiling, as if to ponder his circumstances. In Korean culture, your paternal lineage is very important, and yet I know nearly nothing about my paternal grandparents. I'm much more familiar with my maternal grandparents, but both of them are still alive today, whereas my grandmother on my father's side passed away before I was even born. It's all history that I'm sure must deeply affect me, but it's a past of which I'm unaware.

I always try to live a life without regrets, to do what I feel is right, to live life to the best of my ability according to my own strict code of honor. I've always believed firmly in honoring and respecting others, and sowing the seeds of good karma, but it's at times like these that I feel like my beliefs are thrown into doubt. I suppose it's selfish of me to go on through this existence as if no one I care about will ever fade from my life, but its hard to stare that reality in the face. With such a grim truth staring you down, you're forced to reckon with the possibility that maybe in spite of your best intentions, you didn't perform to a high enough standard, and that maybe there were a few things you could have done better. Maybe it's normal to think of these things at a time like this. 

It's funny, I've always lacked the desire and ambition for material things. Objects, money, large houses, expensive cars, I do have some curiosity about it, but I've never really had an intense drive to want any of it. I've always yearned for the intangible, the ungraspable, the ethereal and wispy threads of things beyond the veil of what we know. We're here such a short time, our life on this world is fleeting and so quick, to spend it on an unending ambition for material comforts has never been appealing to me. My material needs are simple. I spend most of the rest of my time exercising my mind, trying to learn, to absorb as much as I can in every subject my curious brain ponders about. It seems like an odd fascination, and one that doesn't lend itself to any sort of money making occupation, but that's never bothered me. I'm still not entirely sure what my purpose is, where this road is leading me, and where I'll end up, but I feel like this is the year that life will help point me in a more specific direction.

Right after we had said our last goodbyes to my grandmother and were walking out (my parents had a flight the next morning back to Jersey), my grandmother burst into tears. It was the most heartbreaking experience of my life, hearing my normally stoic grandmother weep for the first time. My mom went back to console my grandmother, while my dad prodded me to keep moving to give the two time alone. My mom is her oldest child, and it is admittedly a bit selfish of her to demand my mom stay, but at this point, in this place, after all of what she has gone through, I don't blame her for wanting it or asking it. My grandfather later called my mom to chide her and let her know that he had voluntarily gone back to the recovery center to spend time with grandma, as if to emphasize that this was the sort of dedication she should be showing, but my parents have jobs and bills, and lack the luxury of a proper retirement.

Sometimes I wonder about the fairness in the burden I feel my family is made to bear, but then I remind myself that every family has their burden and sometimes, knowing that gives me perspective enough to be thankful that perhaps things weren't significantly worse, as they could have easily been. And in the end, my parents really enjoyed their vacation to the point that they want to do it again next year. I've been tasked with planning a family vacation to Yellowstone in 2014. Life goes on.

Hang in there, grandma. You swore you wouldn't go anywhere until I got married, so you need to stick around for at least another decade. 

All of human civilization is full of polarizing divisions and often we are characterized by what side we take. Liberal or Conservative, Republican or Democrat, iOS or Android. For me, the pendulum has swung back in the opposite direction and I've gone back to Android after having had a taste of iOS for the better part of a year. Why? Well, for me, I believe that it better suits my needs. The screen is larger, the keys are larger, it's easier to read, easier to hit buttons and the customizable keyboard means that I can finally use Swype again instead of that slow, annoying, and archaic hunt-and-peck/make a mistake/delete/fix cycle I had to endure using my iPhone. (Also, I have large hands and fat fingers, so it's nigh impossible for me to use the iPhone's tiny keyboard.) Let's face it, the iPhone is fantastically easy to use, intuitive, beautifully designed, and so many people use it, that it's easy to just pull your friends into the comfortable ecosystem and swap iMessages or Facetime one another. But in doing so you sacrifice freedom and customization, because Apple tightly controls every aspect, nuance, and little detail of the iOS universe and you're forced to accept it as it is, or walk away. There's not much you can change on an iPhone without having to do some rather serious modifications to the phone. Android, by comparison, offers freedom to do whatever you like, change whatever settings you want, get a phone in nearly whatever size you feel comfortable with (up to eight inches, thanks to Samsung's new Galaxy Note 8.0). You're not forced to make it look a certain way, or behave a certain way for the sake of anyone. You can change, tweak, and screw up your phone as much as you like with great ease. I guess that's one of the most important lessons I've learned lately. Freedom is a funny thing, because it includes the freedom to do things contrary to what may have been intended or desired, but such is its nature and the risk you take by accepting it and all the benefits that lie therein. I've tried the other side and for now, I think this one suits me better. Maybe some day I may change my mind back again. (I reserve the right to do that.)

     My iPhone sold today on Amazon and so ends my year long Apple ownership. Also, I finally get to earn back some of the money I spent on my new phone, which is a relief. One of my cousins is getting married soon, which is going to bring my mother's side of the family together. Unfortunately it looks like my sister might not be able to come, which is a shame because I feel like it's been a seriously long time since our entire family (in one form or another) has gotten together to spend some quality time doing something other than sitting around my parent's house. We (the groom and his groomsmen et al) are heading to Vegas this weekend for the bachelor party. It'll be my first time there with people I know (the other time having been with a Korean tour group courtesy of my Aunts). I'm a bit apprehensive because I don't know what to expect, but I'm also looking forward to relaxing and hanging out. As we get older, these kinds of moments seem more and more rare as we devote more and more attention to things like careers and family. I've learned a deeper appreciate for what time I do get to spend together with everyone. 

     I'm seriously considering getting a dog. Not until after my cousin's wedding (because my parents will be visiting and that would probably be the worst time to have to care for a dog on top of everything else), but all things considered, I've always believed that the trade-offs of dog ownership have been well worth it. I have never met another animal that is so loyal and dedicated as a canine, so single-mindedly focused on their human companions to the point of being able to read your intentions and gestures. They ask for the smallest things and give so much in return. It saddens me tremendously that our family (my parent's) dog Marble is getting so old and frail. The thought of her one day passing is heartbreaking. I want to see her again before that happens.

     I've been having strange dreams lately. Usually that portends big changes in my life. I guess we'll see what happens this year, but I'm sure something is on the horizon.

It has come to my attention that some manner of explanation is necessary as to why I tend to enjoy isolation from time to time. My job actually requires a really significant amount of social interaction, which I find draining and exhausting. It's probably not the ideal job for my personality type, but for now it pays the bills. Anyhow, now you know.

Edit: A more detailed video explanation. There's some party survival guide stuff about halfway through, but it starts off with a nice explanation of the difference between introverts and extroverts.

I've been eaten by Facebook, it's true. Well, that and real life. I don't reflect on things any less frequently than I used to really, I just I don't commit them to paper much anymore. Facebook doesn't seem to lend itself to the same kind of journal/blog type style, which is probably for the better because a not insignificant number of people I know in real life peruse that page and somehow airing your thoughts to a large crowd of everyone you know/have known seems an awful lot like standing out in the park naked.

Anyway, a lot has happened since my most recent past updates, but it's mostly typical things. I've moved into my own place, a lovely duplex in a quiet neighborhood. The house is fairly old and it reminds me quite a bit of my parents' home back in Jersey. I could probably wax nostalgic about all the similarities with a bit of prose, but honestly I'm not in the mood. I've long since sold my beloved R32, which I miss terribly, but it's for the best. She was an expensive car and between the monthly payments, insurance, and gas, I was going broke. The gas mileage was terrible and by terrible, I mean that it got the same gas mileage as a V8 powered Porsche Panemera GTS (which is half a ton heavier, has nearly 200 more horsepower, and is significantly more luxurious).

I fought with Xanga for a while yesterday to post the actual video onto my blog with that Virgin Media post (the one right before this one), but it refused to work properly so I just threw the direct link up there and made people do it the old fashioned way (click through). I like the way the video plays with your emotions and kind of leads you through the thought process of all the things that go through your head in the moments leading up to you actually building up the courage to talk to someone. I can't honestly say if everyone can identify with it, but my thoughts certainly tend to wander that way in my own head. 

For the most part, I'm pretty happy with the life I've made for myself out here in California. I've been mulling over ways to try and bring my parents over here too, but that's a daunting task in and of itself, given that they generally possess the inertial mass of Jupiter. My dog (I guess my parents dog now) Marble has become elderly, and in her old age is doing what old dogs do. My dad adores her tremendously and my mom says that he takes care of her way more than he ever did for my sister and I. I thought that was funny and joking about it helps take our minds off of the inevitable. It makes me want to get a new dog now that I have my own place and shorter work hours, but a border collie requires a tremendous amount of time, much more than a typical dog. After having owned one, though, I honestly can't picture myself with any other breed. She really is the best dog. I hope I don't run into one that's up for adoption or rescue. I've been willfully avoiding looking at ads and such in an attempt to remove myself from the possibility of temptation. I really wouldn't mind sacrificing the time, though.

There's probably tons more I could go on about, but I think that's good enough for now. 

http://www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/film/3388/maybe

Edit: I have been flummoxed by Xanga's exceptionally strange video embedding system, so instead I stuck in a little window to the video's webpage, which Xanga will apparently allow and you can play the video through the window. Theoretically.

"Nulla tenaci invia est via"

"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value"

-Albert Einstein

Driving is one of the few things that help me focus. When I'm driving, all of my thoughts are clearer and I do some of my best thinking while behind the wheel. That being said, my eight year old GTI was starting to show its age and it was beginning to become more of a worry and potential financial burden than any kind of real benefit or convenience.

I've been doing a great deal of research on cars for the past year or so, mostly on this car called the 'R32', but also into whatever cars other people might have suggested to me or might've simply caught my fancy at any given moment. After patient waiting, much thought, and probably entirely too much research, I finally decided that enough was enough and I took the plunge and got myself a new Volkswagen R32. This is the photo I took while cruising with it today along the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway), which by the way is an amazing drive. I'm sure everyone already knows how much I'm into cars in general and VW's specifically, but I still have to say it: this is an amazing machine and I don't regret having gotten it. It's definately a driver's car, designed for people who really take joy in being behind the wheel.

Incidentally, it's also the first brand new car I've ever owned.

R32's are a limited production run of 5000 total for the US and each one is numbered. Mine is #4855.

The color is also rare. It's called 'Deep Blue Pearl' and it's specific to this model, not available on any other GTI, Rabbit, or Jetta. Blue has always been my favorite color.

I love my new car.