Honesty. Fidelity. Loyalty. Caring. Kindness. Affection. Passion. Love.
We hear these words all the time, but rarely do we ever pause to consider their meaning, not only individually, but as a whole. We keep searching, hoping, endlessly seeking something when we're not even sure exactly what it is we're looking for. After each attempt, each try, each failure, we pick ourselves up, try to learn our lesson, and go out there and do it all over again. We can only hope that each time, we're a little closer to knowing exactly what it is we're trying to find. Right?
Not exactly. Not always.
It's not easy to learn from your mistakes. It's difficult to find the lesson to be learned when your delicate emotions are involved. When your heart is shattered and your world seems to be crumbling around you, the foremost thing on your mind usually isn't, "Hmm, well, what can I learn from all this?" It's probably something more like, "Oh my god, why is this happening to me?!"
Well, let me tell you what I'm looking for, and maybe through the picture I paint for you, you can begin to see what you're searching for. Firstly, I'm not going to go into physical characteristics. Why? Because you're just going to radiate towards people you find attractive anyway. It's how we're wired. So why bother even getting into that? There's really no point. Most people don't date people they don't find physically appealing on at least some level. So without further ado:
Honesty - Let's face it, if you can't be honest, then nothing else is going to work out. Honesty is the basis for trust. Trust is the basis for a whole slew of other things, and upon the foundation of this single virtue, many other things are built. It is the foundation of any good relationship, be it with your family, your friends, your relatives, or anyone. If there's no honesty, there's nothing. I'm generally an honest person. I tend to be truthful to the point where it sometimes comes back to bite me in the foot, but you know, I'd rather live with the truth than with a lie.
Fidelity - Fidelity is "the quality or state of being faithful". Faith requires trust. Trust requires honesty. Faith is basically belief without proof. I have no proof my sister will be there for me if things get bad, but I have faith in her that she'll do whatever she can if I'm really in need of help. I don't need proof of her dedication, because I trust her in the same way she trusts me.
Loyalty - Everyone demands loyalty. Even your boss. Even your favorite fastfood restaurant. It's a widely demanded commodity. Demand it in your relationship. (Not outloud.
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Caring - My family cares about each other. That doesn't mean we all hug each other and say "I love you" all the time (because that doesn't necessarily mean you really care). It means we are genuinely concerned about each other's well being and look out for one another. Often it's just little gestures, but you know what? Those little gestures add up. Huge gifts, nice cars, expensive things, extravagent dinners, none of these things mean jack squat. They don't prove that you care about anything except looking good and having fun.
Kindness - Again, I don't mean that you have to be June Cleaver or like that sugary sweet nurse from Pokemon. Kindness is most important when displayed through all the little things. It's all those little things that make your day to day life easier. Sure, the big moments are nice and all, but how often do those come around? What about all those days inbetween the big moments? Both kindness and caring require some selflessness. Often we're so caught up with ourselves and our own problems, we don't have time to think about being selfless for anyone. But if you really care about them, wouldn't it make sense for you to do those kinds of things on their behalf? (And vice versa?)
Affection - Self explanatory. If you're having problems with this one, I can't help you.
Passion - Also self explanatory. See above entry. If you're having problems with this, you need to seek a professional.
Love - This is the big one. Most people tend to feel that If you have #6 and #7 (affection and passion), then it equals love. This isn't math. (And since when does 6 + 7 = 8? ) Honestly? I can't describe love for you guys. I've tried. It comes out all long-winded and ultimately doesn't explain much. This last one is the only one you're going to have to figure out on your own. No one else can ever describe to you or tell you what real love is. It's something you must experience for yourself. And you know what? Once you find it, you probably won't even realize it right away either, because many of us believe that we've already experienced real, true, pure love. But I think many of us are probably mistaken.
There's one more thing, maybe the most important thing, but something I value the most as a quality in anyone I know. They have to encourage you to grow. You might find someone who matches all the standards I've set above, but if they hold you back, pull you down, keep you locked up in a cage so that only they can hear your beautiful song, then they don't meet the final requirement. A person who truly and genuinely cares about you will gently encourage you to become a better person. (Or maybe brutally beat you over the head with it, depending on their personality.) They won't purposely hold you back, hold you down, make you feel terrible or guilty about doing the things which may improve your life.
Example. I want to go to school for art. Girlfriend A (henceforth called A) encourages me to do it, because she knows how much I really love art. Girlfriend B (henceforth called B) advises against it, because she wants to get married and have kids as soon as possible, which means she'd rather I stay with my current job, which actually is pretty stressful and tremendously not-fun and not something I want to do for the rest of my life. This is something of an extreme example, but I did it to illustrate a point. "A" is encouraging you to do what will make you happy at the sacrifice of her own desires. She wants a family and she wants to settle down too, but she's willing to be patient and wait a little longer for it, because she would rather see her significant other pursuing something that will better him. "B" is impatient and wants what she desires right now. No waiting. She scarcely even cares about art and claims it's impractical and won't earn any real money to support the family. Everything revolves around her desires, her wants, her needs, and the poor guy is expected to just go along with it at the expense of his own happiness. Pfft. Sure, no problem, I'll work in a job I strongly dislike for the rest of my natural days until I retire, just for you sweetie. (*cough*) I mean, who needs to pursue culture or art?
That last one is the most important of all, and the hardest one to really guage, because ultimately in the end, it won't really be as obvious as the example I gave.
Oh, and I think it's just implied, but all of these should be mutual. (Not one-sided.)
That's what I really want from my future spouse. Personality, appearance, quirks, habits, whatever, all of those things are qualities that you can figure out pretty easily on your own. It's the important stuff that's always tough to measure.
So the song has been changed, because otherwise you're all going to run my bandwidth down to zero before the weekend gets here.
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