I Am Free
When we first come into this world, it is without expectations, without burdens, without worries or stress. We have simple wants and desires, and we know only the whims of our most basic urges. It is in these early stages of our life that we are truly free. No matter what manner of pressure or expectations others may try to place on us, we have no obligation to follow them, no ear to hear them, no ability to follow through even if we did comprehend it. We are all born into this world knowing freedom in the most innocent and basic way.
As we grow older, however, we are forced to slowly learn the ways of the world around us, forced to conform to the expectations placed upon us, and forced to bow to the pressures which close in on us. Our freedom, we realize, is limited and comes with distinct boundaries, beyond which we are not to cross without fear of punishment. Pain, agony, suffering, despair, sadness, regret, all of these things and more remind us constantly why we should stay within the limits set for us. It seems like as we grow older, these unfortunate experiences build on top of one another, each event like the next brick we lay upon a growing wall that began small, but is quickly becoming a massive barrier that marks the border between what we know is safe, and what we believe might lead to uncertainty.
Our wall becomes a fortress, and we remain inside, safe, but captive, held prisoner by a structure of our own design, ornate, complex, and beautiful viewed from its exterior, but empty and hollow within. Inside, there is only us to fill the cavernous palace we have built, and somehow, it doesn't seem like enough to sate our appetite for that indescribable other that we always search for. We smile on the outside and showcase the majestic, grand exterior for all to see, trying to fulfill their expectations, exceed the hopes placed upon us, to achieve more in our attempt to find an answer as to why we are so confused. We find success in our own ways, yet we are still not completely happy. We have built this beautiful palace with our own two hands upon a foundation of a hard work and pain, and yet there is still something missing. Our victories don't satisfy us quite the way we had hoped. Something is missing.
And then a spark of recollection strikes you, like a flash of light in the darkness, and you remember vaguely, some sense of the earliest days of your life. That brief taste of complete innocence, of life without expectations, without pressure, without stress... we recall our brief encounter with freedom. It is then that we realize that we are living in a palace not of our own design, built slowly according to the expectations and pressures placed upon us by others, designed in a manner to please those who surround us. It is a foreign, artificial structure we have created out of necessity, and it has become more like a prison than a home. It is a reminder of the boundaries and limitations that have been handed down to us, of the rules and guidelines, expectations, and pressures that have weighed down upon us throughout the course of our lives. It is our grand monument to the society which raised us. We have built it according to the instructions given to us, following the guidelines laid down for us, and though it may be magnificent to behold, it does not bring us happiness in the ways that we had hoped. In actuality, we begin to feel like more of a prisoner within its walls, not entirely comfortable spending our days alone within its cavernous interior.
And so we search for some meaning as to why. Why is this happening to us? Why do we feel this way? Why should we continue to follow these rules and bow to these pressures when it does not bring us complete fulfillment? Why do we sometimes feel like a prisoner, like we are chained down, like our freedom is more restricted than we would want, that our actions are limited by these invisible barriers that we could cross, but dare not for fear of what we might lose?
What is the answer?
You never lost your freedom. You only became more aware of all of the barriers, obstacles, pitfalls, and traps that await you in the potentially dangerous world outside. And as we experience more of these and try to build ever more safeguards to prevent them, perhaps we limit ourselves, restrict our own movement, and lose our innocence and our ability not only to stumble into danger, but also our ability to stumble across beauty.
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